[ At the words, Hyunki frowned. He did not want to do that - ever, but especially less now. He also isn't quite sure how, only has a vague idea of how he can, and the panic just rises up some more, tasting like bile in his mouth. ]
Adder, I - [ He didn't know how to tell him he couldn't, right now. Adder was in pain, he was suffering, and Hyunki needed to do everything he could to help. So he focused on their bond, on severing it, on not letting Adder's energy pass through to him anymore, and vice versa. It felt like Adder was fading, which meant it worked, and broke Hyunki's heart all at the same time.
After that, he used his healing power again on Adder, until he was sweating and shaking a little. When Adder tried to move, Hyunki held on tighter. ]
Adder, what's happening? Tell me where it hurts the most. I'll help you. Please - let me. Tell me what's going on. I've missed you so much -
[ Hyunki tried to reach out, to hold onto Adder's face, he wanted to kiss him, completely heedless of the blood, but he wasn't sure Adder would let him. ]
[ a few seconds after the bond evaporated between them, the pain worsened to an almost unbearable degree. luckily, he had a lot of experience with painful things and managed to not scream or worse. keeping hyunki from worrying too much mattered far more than anything else and he could do it. he just needed to keep focused on repressing as much as he could.
swallowing down waves of bile, he tried to focus on hyunki's words. blacking out wouldn't help either at all. he could only imagine hyunki's reaction then and it gave him enough to hold onto. ]
The titans - [ he began, vision swimming from how much his insides and, well, outsides hurt at the moment. just wait until he healed and could right all of this. his damn sister. actually, all of them needed to pay. ] weren't amused by any of us. They let the crows - feast on me night and day. It'd kill me and they'd bring me back and let it happen again and again. [ he left out how slow it killed him each time and how one crow feasted into his skin to pull out his liver, another on his heart. ]
You've - done - fuck - [ the patchwork of his skin ached and kept bleeding. the titans hadn't done a great job at knitting his skin back over his bones and organs. ] It's - I'll heal. You can't keep - trying to heal me. You'll - hurt yourself and we can't both be weak right now.
[ who knew what else might come for him and in extension them. he didn't know how he appeared back here either. ]
[ As the words left Adder, as they hit Hyunki, his eyes filled with tears. How? How did this happen? How did he not know? How could he let it happen, let Adder get hurt so badly?
His voice shook as he spoke. ] Adder, I'm so s-sorry. I wish I'd been there to help, I had no idea, I'd been looking for you but I didn't - I didn't know.
[ Hyunki felt powerless, watching Adder's face, body, the pain it radiated, even with their bond cut off the way it was. There was so much he didn't understand about the world Adder came from, what he did, his enemies; a lot of it that Adder kept from Hyunki just for the sake of protecting him.
And usually, it didn't make Hyunki angry. Right now, though, when Adder asked him to stop using his power, Hyunki gritted his teeth, pressing his hands against Adder's chest a little harder, glaring down at him through his tears. A fresh wave of healing and soothing magic rushed down from his palms, to spread over Adder's body. ]
I know what I'm capable of and the limits of my own powers, Adder. You know better than to think me weak.
[ Which, he knew, wasn't what Adder had said, or even meant. But Hyunki was angry, even if that anger wasn't at Adder, not really, but more at all these people who thought they could hurt him with impunity.
Hyunki's jaw ticked as he moved his hands, sending stronger bursts of his power to localized areas of Adder's body. ]
You're going to get better, and you're going to tell me everything, and you're going to tell me what we're going to do about this. Later. When you're healed up. I'll take care of you, okay? Stop protesting and just trust me. [ Hyunki looked down at Adder again, pressing a bloody hand to his lover's cheek for a moment, desperate for him to just agree, for once. ]
[ swallowing down another wave of bile, adder tried to force his body to relax more if only for hyunki's sake. if he looked less hurt then some of the worry would leave hyunki's face and the lines of his body. adder loathed bringing him any kind of pain and had tried to protect him as much as possible from it. his world would always be a difficult existence and sometimes downright terrifying. there were so many switching loyalties and those who wanted to take over and throw them all out of their seats of power. sometimes, adder longed for it but he knew what would happen if he lost his title.
without it, he would also lose his life.
looking up at hyunki, he managed to lift his arm up and cup his cheek. his thumb moved back and forth slowly. ]
I don't think you weak but I do know you're worried. You're terrified and you'd do anything to help me. [ he knew all too well hyunki would break himself down for his sake and it just couldn't be. he needed hyunki to be the rational one right now and keep his strength as much as possible. ]
We don't know what else might happen. [ a shudder worked over his body from another wave of hyunki's healing. it curled around him in the warmth his missed from his flames and his eyes shut from it. when his hand dropped, he just wrapped his arms around hyunki's waist, burying his face in his stomach. ]
I love you. [ he whispered as the emotions swirled around him. centuries worth just built up and threatening to spill over. ]
I thought - I'd never see you again. [ the words continued to spill from his lips along with the hot tears over his face. ] I'm sorry. I'm - so sorry, Hyunki.
[ did hyunki understand now why adder had paused on bonding with him so fully? he knew moments like this were possible and he didn't find himself worth it. certainly not for all of this agony. ]
[ A piece of Hyunki's anger and worry melted away when Adder touched him, and he found himself nuzzling into the touch without thought, breathing in deep. ]
Of course I'm terrified. Have you seen yourself? [ He huffed the words out, still annoyed. He then started to move his hands more, going for Adder's clothes, pulling them carefully off of him so he could check on his wounds. ] Is the healing helping? Do you feel any better?
[ Right now, Hyunki cared about nothing else but that part. He wanted Adder to feel better, stronger, like himself again. It was the only thing that mattered - that, and them restoring their bond, because it'd only been minutes and Hyunki already missed the connection, feeling it like a phantom limb.
He let Adder hold on to him as he kept checking him over, using his power every few seconds - without pushing himself. But he did stop at hearing Adder's mumbled words, breath catching in his throat. He looked down, running his fingers through Adder's hair. ]
I love you too. So much. Don't apologize, I was just worried, I - [ He stopped upon seeing the tears on Adder's face, reaching down to wipe them gently. ] Don't cry, I'm here, I'm here, I'm never leaving you, baby. I'd tear the world and the Underworld both apart to find you again, do you hear?
[ He knew those were strong words, but he believed in them completely. He had no doubts. Which was why he switched topics seamlessly. ]
We need to clean you up. I can assess your injuries better that way. And maybe if they're still extensive, I can ask Dash to help me out. He can boost up my power, after all. But first, let's get you in the bath, okay? It's right here.
Only for a few seconds. Was worried about breaking the mirror. [ adder murmured, trying to dispel even just a little of the tension curling around them. he didn't really have the luxury to breakdown for long, not while things were so murky. so, yes, he understood the fear and worry but they needed to move away from it and carry on to await the next ploy. the titans were still out there and it unnerved him more than he wanted to admit to. what were they planning? what would happen next?
flexing his fingers, the pain flared but not as badly. ]
I feel a little less agony. [ a soft confession but he still wanted to keep to himself how much all of it hurt. the chill bothered him the most anyway. ]
[ the tears really were a surprise since he never cried. another piece of the mystery to what he feared to be his new reality. but it couldn't be, right? he had to be wrong about it and if not needed to find a way to reverse it somehow. ]
I believe you. [ they would both do anything for one another and he knew better than to try to talk hyunki out of it. no sense in upsetting him more. ]
Will you take the bath with me? [ he asked, almost pleaded because he needed to keep close to hyunki. if he kept his hands on him things would be okay. the tears stopped for the time being but he knew they would return all too soon. there were decades and decades of built up things within him. ]
Just - don't leave. [ it wasn't like him to be so clingy and needy but he just couldn't help it at the moment. ]
[ Despite all of his feelings, swirling around him like a whirlwind, Hyunki had to laugh a little at those words. It was reassuring, that Adder could be humorous for a moment, and that he admitted he felt a little less terrible, even if Hyunki wasn't sure to entirely believe him, here.
Hyunki sniffed, reaching up to wipe his face with his sleeve, not caring that it was dirty. He'd been so scared, right now, of losing Adder. He'd never thought he'd ever have to feel this way, to be truly worried, not when Adder was so strong, so powerful, but he'd been fooling himself about the reciprocal strength of his enemies, apparently.
But he'd have time to worry about it all later. For now, he had something to do, and he was going to do it, the best he could. He propped Adder up very gently against the side of the bathtub, and moved to run the tap and start filling it, before going back to taking Adder's clothes off of his body carefully.
He only took one look into Adder's eyes before he nodded without hesitation. ]
Of course I will. [ He wasn't going to deny Adder this, not when he was vulnerable and exhausted and hurting. So, after he managed to get Adder's clothes off, his own went, too, before he helped Adder into the steaming hot bath, and settled himself behind him.
He was still sending pulses of healing through Adder regularly. ]
How is this? Is it okay? Do you feel okay? I don't know that I can let you fall asleep, you might have a concussion.
[ the laugh relieved him and he let out a slow breath as hyunki moved around to fix the bath for them. while he didn't really want a bath at the moment, he knew better than to argue over certain things. hyunki wouldn't be in the mood for any kind of sass or going against what he believed needed to happen. besides, he didn't want to argue, keeping quiet for the time being. he let out a small grunt when they settled into the water but curled up against hyunki almost immediately. acting very much like the cat others sometimes teased him as. an ironic thing given all the hounds attached to him. idly, he wondered if those directly tied to him could feel the damage given the sheer depth of it? could they feel the loss of contact and bond? ]
Feels good. [ adder tried to reassure, the water offering a different kind of calm because of the healing pulses and the more weightlessness. it made him less heavy, at least, it seemed like it and his eyes shut even as hyunki warned him. ]
Warm. [ he continued and another burst of relief flooded through when he had been so cold outside of the water. ] So nice. [ he turned his head a little to run his mouth over hyunki's shoulder in a very sloppy and wet way. but he didn't have the finesse at the moment for something smoother. ]
Don't cry, Hyunkie. [ he murmured, using the nickname he barely used but knew it made hyunki happy when he did. ] I'm - always okay. [ plenty had tried to eliminate him over the centuries but he knew better than to confess that little tidbit. ]
[ Adder was right in that Hyunki would not take any kind of refusal or sass right now. It was necessary for Adder's wounds to be cleaned anyway, and he would immediately feel a little better upon being warm and being clean.
Adder curled close and Hyunki curled right back, keeping him in his arms, holding on as tight as he dared. He was still terrified, but he was also allowing himself to feel relief, now that Adder was back in his arms, and he was out of immediate danger. He ran his fingers softly up and down Adder's arm. ]
You're not okay, though. You're in pain, and you almost died. Hells, apparently you did! [ Hyunki let out a little worried sob, pressing closer, and then cupping some water from the bath to wet Adder's hair, washing off some of the blood and dust. ]
Will you stay with me here, now? I don't know if I can take you leaving again. Not while you're convalescing, anyway. You're safe here.
[ shifting just a little, he tucked his face in hyunki's neck, letting out a slow breath. things were drifting for him, in and out, a kind of ebb and flow but unlike before he liked it this time. he trusted hyunki to not let anything happen and it let more of the tension seep out of his body. resting there in hyunki's arms, he became fairly boneless and pliable. ]
Hyunkie, I'm right here. [ he murmured, lifting his hand to run over whatever part of hyunki he could reach without moving too much.
the words drifted in and out of his consciousness and he let out a little 'mmmm' noise. ]
In the bath? [ he asked, again to try and make hyunki less emotional. ] Might get wrinkly.
[ letting out another 'mmmm' noise, he nodded his head against hyunki's neck. ] I'll stay. Might be kinda clingy.
[ as in not being apart from hyunki for at least a few days. another shudder of pain shot over his body but he managed to make it just look like a shiver. ] Hyunkie. So tired. Haven't slept in - a long time.
Didn't feel - right without you. [ a soft yawn escaped his lips and he shifted his hips a couple of times but not on purpose at all. ]
[ It was fine, as for once in his life, sex was the furthest thing from Hyunki's mind. He needed Adder safe and healthy before considering how long it'd been since they'd been alone together, since they'd been intimate.
He huffed another amused breath, rolling his eyes fondly as he kept on pouring water over Adder's exposed parts, slowly getting him clean. ]
I don't mind clingy Adder. I can handle clingy Adder. I can't handle being without you again, though. Especially now that this happened, I'll just worry myself sick.
[ Hyunki gave Adder a sympathetic look, pouting a little as he pressed his lips to his forehead, one kiss, two, three, lingering there. ]
You can sleep. I'll wake you in a couple of hours for food and some checks, just in case you do have a concussion. And I won't go anywhere.
[ his eyes slowly cracked open at the confession, thinking on the words for a minute through the haze of his mind. processing things took a lot more time than usual thanks to all the weariness. the level of exhaustion he never experienced before in all his existence. ]
Do you mean ever? [ he asked, softly, pulling back to look at hyunki. ] You don't want to be without me ever?
[ words were an important thing with adder and choices of them mattered a lot. ]
Will you be okay if I fall asleep? You're not going to do anything, right?
[ hyunki promised to not leave him but that didn't mean he couldn't do things from beside him. ]
Have I not made that clear before? I've told you, and I'll tell you again, Adder: I don't want to be without you, ever. Why do you think I agreed for us to be bonded? I don't take this kind of thing lightly.
[ He pressed his fingers, lightly, to the tree shaped mark on Adder's chest. ]
I love you, and I want to be with you, by your side, forever. The fact that we severed our bond, even superficially? It's killing me, Adder. I hate it.
[ a little rumbling noise greeted hyunki's words at first because of the exhaustion tugging away at adder. he couldn't remember ever being so tired before but then again he usually had his abilities to take care of, well, everything. it felt like now he had a million years worth of exhaustion slamming at him. so much weariness just undoing him from the inside out. ]
I meant physically. [ he muttered as he fought to stay awake and explaining things with hyunki. he wanted them to be on the same page, of course. ]
I know. I know. I don't take it lightly either and I don't like feeling you either. [ it left him hollowed out to not have hyunki's presence right there but the touch of the tree had his eyes fluttering back open. ] Hmmmm.
[ oh, plenty of things but he waited for a moment before replying. ] Retribution, mostly. Plotting. All kinds of things related to that objective.
Oh. [ A little sheepish, Hyunki could feel his ears turn red, but he didn't back down. If anything, he held Adder a little tighter, without going so far as to potentially hurt him. ]
I'm not going anywhere. I haven't seen you in so long, and I'm going to make sure you recover. I'm going to look after you, okay?
[ Sliding down into the bathtub a little bit, Hyunki nuzzled Adder's temple, not caring that he was still muddy and bloody. With his free hand, he kept cleaning Adder up as he best he could, careful and slow and gentle, almost more just touching than anything else. ]
I love you more than anything, and seeing you hurt makes me want to tear the world down with my bare hands. But being with you is much more important to me. You are much more important to me. If there's something that can be done, anything, that means we can be together more, and without fears, then I want to help. But not against your will.
[ for the first time since the titans stole him away, adder let down his guards and relaxed there against hyunki. the tension unwound in the lines of his body and he kind of slumped and yawned softly. it took a lot to drop adder's walls even after all the time they spent together. yes, he trusted hyunki and loved him more than he believed he was capable of but the fear always lingered in the back of his mind. look at how easily the titans managed to move past their defenses? if he let his guard down too much, what else could happen? ]
That's really - means a lot to me. [ adder managed, his eyes falling shut again. he clung onto hyunki but eventually he lost the battle against not sleeping and drifted off.
it took hours before he stirred again, in fact, 48 hours to be exact. when his eyes blinked open again, he moaned faintly. not wanting to move yet because everything still ached and he just wanted to continue sleeping. things were so peaceful there, safe and warm. but the chill penetrated him again and he sat up slowly. the pain had lessened considerably and he knew he hyunki managed almost the impossible there. ]
I'm mortal right now. [ adder announced as he wrapped his arms around his legs. ] That was one of the bargains. One of the ways to - [ he shook his head. ]
[ Despite all of his worries, Hyunki allowed Adder to sleep, and as soon as he was under, there was little Hyunki could do to wake him up. So he took care of Adder, quietly, gently, carrying him from the bathroom to the bed, getting him set up, and worrying extensively as he still used his powers regularly to help Adder knit himself back together.
Usually, he would be fine, by now. He wouldn't need so much time to recuperate. But they weren't under normal circumstances. For days and nights, Hyunki curled up by Adder's side, a hand on his chest just to feel the steady rise and fall, his own heart feeling torn apart as worries and fears ate at him. He didn't sleep, instead found himself reading his latest book out loud, in case Adder could hear him, would find it soothing in his dreams.
He was just taking a little break for himself when Adder woke up. He'd been splashing water over his face after brushing his teeth when he heard the bed creak, and Hyunki jumped out of the bathroom to see Adder sitting up. He rushed over, hands reaching out. ]
Don't - overexert yourself.
[ Adder was human. That explains - well, that explained so much. Hyunki sat down, swallowed hard. To think Adder this fragile was. Well, it was impossible, truly. ]
normally, the words wouldn't mean anything because human imitations meant nothing to him. but the titans changed things and he wondered how to fix what they stole. if only his sisters listened to him earlier about the titans and the measures they would take against all of them. to belittle someone invited them to show another side; to prove the falsehood of the words in question.
letting out a slow breath, he reached out a hand for hyunki, wanting to soothe the worry somehow. a physical connection might help even the tiniest bit. ]
It's not permanent. It cannot be. [ how could they change his very nature in a deeper way? they only dealt in parlor tricks and he just needed to find a way to undo it. likely, they buried his true nature or they ripped it out somehow. either option allowed for him to restore himself. ]
I just have to figure out how they did it and the way to undo what they did. The only good thing is my siblings will be facing similar. [ actually, he didn't know but he knew hyunki would worry about it. his siblings were always trying to kill him, though, so he understood the concern. ]
Looks like you're the stronger one between us now. Got to turn you on a little, Hyunkie. [ a nice subject change and mood shift there. ]
[ This wasn't normal. Nothing about this whole things that Adder was going through was normal for him, and it meant that it was nothing normal for Hyunki either. ]
Do you know what to do to reverse it?
[ Of course, he couldn't do it now, not until he was better, and that'd take a while for a human body. But he might still have an idea of what could be done to repair the damage, to make him the person he was supposed to be. Not that Hyunki loved him any less, and maybe - maybe he should say that.
With a tiny sigh, Hyunki laid a hand over Adder's chest, looking down at him. ]
If it is permanent, I just want you to know - it doesn't change anything. My feelings are the same, and they will stay the same.
[ Of course, it changed things. A human body would age and decay at the expected rhythm, not the one they were supposed to have. But Hyunki didn't want to worry about that, not now.
He knew Adder was joking to try and luighten the mood, but the words still made him frown for a moment. He didn't want to be the stronger, or more powerful one. He just wanted Adder, his Adder, to be fully who he was and wanted to be. Nothing else mattered.
But if Adder wanted to stop feeling so glum, then Hyunki would do his best to help. So he smiled, his hand moving up in a caress. ]
Like I need you to be human to boss you around. I've got you wrapped around my little finger anyway.
[ time stood still for deities because while it passed, it never really focused or made much of a dent. it existed almost outside of their inner realm. something others faced but they didn't in a deeper sense. never before had adder needed to worry about time but now things were suddenly different. what a thing to try and wrap his mind around.
looking up, he took in hyunki, every inch of him because he never thought for a while there he would see him again. at least, not in actuality. memories were always with him and no one would ever take them from him. ]
I'll work something out. [ easy words but they did little to ease the pain or the panic rushing through in equal measures. the former lesser because of hyunki's help. how much luck could one being have? ]
You do have a way about you. I cannot often deny it. [ hyunki never gave him reason to. ]
I cannot stay human. It would change too much. [ a flicker happened inside of him, though, of a growing burst of something. to exist without so much pressure and constant agony? to no longer be what held the universe together? he could have never dared to imagine it before but now the possibility grew within him. ]
I am feeling less terrible. Am I taking you away from anything important you need to attend to?
[ It was a difficult thing even for Hyunki to wrap his mind around, the idea that Adder was not a God anymore, at least not for now. He didn't take it for granted, ever, but there had undoubtedly been some comforts they both enjoyed due to Adder's status, the biggest of all their bond, and how they could always be assured of each other's safety through it.
Without it, Hyunki felt a little hollowed out. He knew, over time, that his love would plug the holes, but at this moment, it felt a little strange. When Adder moved a little, Hyunki leaned in, kissing his temple, eyes closing as he pressed thoughts and feelings into the gesture. He listened to Adder, thought over an answer, still holding him close and refusing to let go. ]
Would it be so bad? To be human?
[ Things would be different, yes. Things would change. For Hyunki, too. But he could imagine that being free of the work and the responsibilities Adder had would not necessarily be a bad thing. ] I'd love you the same, human or God.
[ It felt important to say. At the question, Hyunki looked at Adder, frowning and shaking his head. ]
There is nothing more important than you. You're not taking me away from anything, stop worrying about me.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-06-25 08:10 pm (UTC)Adder, I - [ He didn't know how to tell him he couldn't, right now. Adder was in pain, he was suffering, and Hyunki needed to do everything he could to help. So he focused on their bond, on severing it, on not letting Adder's energy pass through to him anymore, and vice versa. It felt like Adder was fading, which meant it worked, and broke Hyunki's heart all at the same time.
After that, he used his healing power again on Adder, until he was sweating and shaking a little. When Adder tried to move, Hyunki held on tighter. ]
Adder, what's happening? Tell me where it hurts the most. I'll help you. Please - let me. Tell me what's going on. I've missed you so much -
[ Hyunki tried to reach out, to hold onto Adder's face, he wanted to kiss him, completely heedless of the blood, but he wasn't sure Adder would let him. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-06-26 07:08 pm (UTC)swallowing down waves of bile, he tried to focus on hyunki's words. blacking out wouldn't help either at all. he could only imagine hyunki's reaction then and it gave him enough to hold onto. ]
The titans - [ he began, vision swimming from how much his insides and, well, outsides hurt at the moment. just wait until he healed and could right all of this. his damn sister. actually, all of them needed to pay. ] weren't amused by any of us. They let the crows - feast on me night and day. It'd kill me and they'd bring me back and let it happen again and again. [ he left out how slow it killed him each time and how one crow feasted into his skin to pull out his liver, another on his heart. ]
You've - done - fuck - [ the patchwork of his skin ached and kept bleeding. the titans hadn't done a great job at knitting his skin back over his bones and organs. ] It's - I'll heal. You can't keep - trying to heal me. You'll - hurt yourself and we can't both be weak right now.
[ who knew what else might come for him and in extension them. he didn't know how he appeared back here either. ]
You know me, I'll be - fine.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-27 11:02 am (UTC)His voice shook as he spoke. ] Adder, I'm so s-sorry. I wish I'd been there to help, I had no idea, I'd been looking for you but I didn't - I didn't know.
[ Hyunki felt powerless, watching Adder's face, body, the pain it radiated, even with their bond cut off the way it was. There was so much he didn't understand about the world Adder came from, what he did, his enemies; a lot of it that Adder kept from Hyunki just for the sake of protecting him.
And usually, it didn't make Hyunki angry. Right now, though, when Adder asked him to stop using his power, Hyunki gritted his teeth, pressing his hands against Adder's chest a little harder, glaring down at him through his tears. A fresh wave of healing and soothing magic rushed down from his palms, to spread over Adder's body. ]
I know what I'm capable of and the limits of my own powers, Adder. You know better than to think me weak.
[ Which, he knew, wasn't what Adder had said, or even meant. But Hyunki was angry, even if that anger wasn't at Adder, not really, but more at all these people who thought they could hurt him with impunity.
Hyunki's jaw ticked as he moved his hands, sending stronger bursts of his power to localized areas of Adder's body. ]
You're going to get better, and you're going to tell me everything, and you're going to tell me what we're going to do about this. Later. When you're healed up. I'll take care of you, okay? Stop protesting and just trust me. [ Hyunki looked down at Adder again, pressing a bloody hand to his lover's cheek for a moment, desperate for him to just agree, for once. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-06-28 07:41 pm (UTC)without it, he would also lose his life.
looking up at hyunki, he managed to lift his arm up and cup his cheek. his thumb moved back and forth slowly. ]
I don't think you weak but I do know you're worried. You're terrified and you'd do anything to help me. [ he knew all too well hyunki would break himself down for his sake and it just couldn't be. he needed hyunki to be the rational one right now and keep his strength as much as possible. ]
We don't know what else might happen. [ a shudder worked over his body from another wave of hyunki's healing. it curled around him in the warmth his missed from his flames and his eyes shut from it. when his hand dropped, he just wrapped his arms around hyunki's waist, burying his face in his stomach. ]
I love you. [ he whispered as the emotions swirled around him. centuries worth just built up and threatening to spill over. ]
I thought - I'd never see you again. [ the words continued to spill from his lips along with the hot tears over his face. ] I'm sorry. I'm - so sorry, Hyunki.
[ did hyunki understand now why adder had paused on bonding with him so fully? he knew moments like this were possible and he didn't find himself worth it. certainly not for all of this agony. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-06-30 11:03 am (UTC)Of course I'm terrified. Have you seen yourself? [ He huffed the words out, still annoyed. He then started to move his hands more, going for Adder's clothes, pulling them carefully off of him so he could check on his wounds. ] Is the healing helping? Do you feel any better?
[ Right now, Hyunki cared about nothing else but that part. He wanted Adder to feel better, stronger, like himself again. It was the only thing that mattered - that, and them restoring their bond, because it'd only been minutes and Hyunki already missed the connection, feeling it like a phantom limb.
He let Adder hold on to him as he kept checking him over, using his power every few seconds - without pushing himself. But he did stop at hearing Adder's mumbled words, breath catching in his throat. He looked down, running his fingers through Adder's hair. ]
I love you too. So much. Don't apologize, I was just worried, I - [ He stopped upon seeing the tears on Adder's face, reaching down to wipe them gently. ] Don't cry, I'm here, I'm here, I'm never leaving you, baby. I'd tear the world and the Underworld both apart to find you again, do you hear?
[ He knew those were strong words, but he believed in them completely. He had no doubts. Which was why he switched topics seamlessly. ]
We need to clean you up. I can assess your injuries better that way. And maybe if they're still extensive, I can ask Dash to help me out. He can boost up my power, after all. But first, let's get you in the bath, okay? It's right here.
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Date: 2019-07-02 01:12 am (UTC)flexing his fingers, the pain flared but not as badly. ]
I feel a little less agony. [ a soft confession but he still wanted to keep to himself how much all of it hurt. the chill bothered him the most anyway. ]
[ the tears really were a surprise since he never cried. another piece of the mystery to what he feared to be his new reality. but it couldn't be, right? he had to be wrong about it and if not needed to find a way to reverse it somehow. ]
I believe you. [ they would both do anything for one another and he knew better than to try to talk hyunki out of it. no sense in upsetting him more. ]
Will you take the bath with me? [ he asked, almost pleaded because he needed to keep close to hyunki. if he kept his hands on him things would be okay. the tears stopped for the time being but he knew they would return all too soon. there were decades and decades of built up things within him. ]
Just - don't leave. [ it wasn't like him to be so clingy and needy but he just couldn't help it at the moment. ]
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Date: 2019-07-02 11:54 am (UTC)Hyunki sniffed, reaching up to wipe his face with his sleeve, not caring that it was dirty. He'd been so scared, right now, of losing Adder. He'd never thought he'd ever have to feel this way, to be truly worried, not when Adder was so strong, so powerful, but he'd been fooling himself about the reciprocal strength of his enemies, apparently.
But he'd have time to worry about it all later. For now, he had something to do, and he was going to do it, the best he could. He propped Adder up very gently against the side of the bathtub, and moved to run the tap and start filling it, before going back to taking Adder's clothes off of his body carefully.
He only took one look into Adder's eyes before he nodded without hesitation. ]
Of course I will. [ He wasn't going to deny Adder this, not when he was vulnerable and exhausted and hurting. So, after he managed to get Adder's clothes off, his own went, too, before he helped Adder into the steaming hot bath, and settled himself behind him.
He was still sending pulses of healing through Adder regularly. ]
How is this? Is it okay? Do you feel okay? I don't know that I can let you fall asleep, you might have a concussion.
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Date: 2019-07-02 05:11 pm (UTC)Feels good. [ adder tried to reassure, the water offering a different kind of calm because of the healing pulses and the more weightlessness. it made him less heavy, at least, it seemed like it and his eyes shut even as hyunki warned him. ]
Warm. [ he continued and another burst of relief flooded through when he had been so cold outside of the water. ] So nice. [ he turned his head a little to run his mouth over hyunki's shoulder in a very sloppy and wet way. but he didn't have the finesse at the moment for something smoother. ]
Don't cry, Hyunkie. [ he murmured, using the nickname he barely used but knew it made hyunki happy when he did. ] I'm - always okay. [ plenty had tried to eliminate him over the centuries but he knew better than to confess that little tidbit. ]
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Date: 2019-07-02 05:26 pm (UTC)Adder curled close and Hyunki curled right back, keeping him in his arms, holding on as tight as he dared. He was still terrified, but he was also allowing himself to feel relief, now that Adder was back in his arms, and he was out of immediate danger. He ran his fingers softly up and down Adder's arm. ]
You're not okay, though. You're in pain, and you almost died. Hells, apparently you did! [ Hyunki let out a little worried sob, pressing closer, and then cupping some water from the bath to wet Adder's hair, washing off some of the blood and dust. ]
Will you stay with me here, now? I don't know if I can take you leaving again. Not while you're convalescing, anyway. You're safe here.
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Date: 2019-07-02 05:36 pm (UTC)Hyunkie, I'm right here. [ he murmured, lifting his hand to run over whatever part of hyunki he could reach without moving too much.
the words drifted in and out of his consciousness and he let out a little 'mmmm' noise. ]
In the bath? [ he asked, again to try and make hyunki less emotional. ] Might get wrinkly.
[ letting out another 'mmmm' noise, he nodded his head against hyunki's neck. ] I'll stay. Might be kinda clingy.
[ as in not being apart from hyunki for at least a few days. another shudder of pain shot over his body but he managed to make it just look like a shiver. ] Hyunkie. So tired. Haven't slept in - a long time.
Didn't feel - right without you. [ a soft yawn escaped his lips and he shifted his hips a couple of times but not on purpose at all. ]
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Date: 2019-07-02 05:55 pm (UTC)He huffed another amused breath, rolling his eyes fondly as he kept on pouring water over Adder's exposed parts, slowly getting him clean. ]
I don't mind clingy Adder. I can handle clingy Adder. I can't handle being without you again, though. Especially now that this happened, I'll just worry myself sick.
[ Hyunki gave Adder a sympathetic look, pouting a little as he pressed his lips to his forehead, one kiss, two, three, lingering there. ]
You can sleep. I'll wake you in a couple of hours for food and some checks, just in case you do have a concussion. And I won't go anywhere.
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Date: 2019-07-02 06:00 pm (UTC)Do you mean ever? [ he asked, softly, pulling back to look at hyunki. ] You don't want to be without me ever?
[ words were an important thing with adder and choices of them mattered a lot. ]
Will you be okay if I fall asleep? You're not going to do anything, right?
[ hyunki promised to not leave him but that didn't mean he couldn't do things from beside him. ]
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Date: 2019-07-02 06:19 pm (UTC)Have I not made that clear before? I've told you, and I'll tell you again, Adder: I don't want to be without you, ever. Why do you think I agreed for us to be bonded? I don't take this kind of thing lightly.
[ He pressed his fingers, lightly, to the tree shaped mark on Adder's chest. ]
I love you, and I want to be with you, by your side, forever. The fact that we severed our bond, even superficially? It's killing me, Adder. I hate it.
[ Hyunki raised an eyebrow. ]
You can sleep. What do you think I'd do?
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Date: 2019-07-26 06:30 pm (UTC)I meant physically. [ he muttered as he fought to stay awake and explaining things with hyunki. he wanted them to be on the same page, of course. ]
I know. I know. I don't take it lightly either and I don't like feeling you either. [ it left him hollowed out to not have hyunki's presence right there but the touch of the tree had his eyes fluttering back open. ] Hmmmm.
[ oh, plenty of things but he waited for a moment before replying. ] Retribution, mostly. Plotting. All kinds of things related to that objective.
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Date: 2019-07-31 09:00 am (UTC)I'm not going anywhere. I haven't seen you in so long, and I'm going to make sure you recover. I'm going to look after you, okay?
[ Sliding down into the bathtub a little bit, Hyunki nuzzled Adder's temple, not caring that he was still muddy and bloody. With his free hand, he kept cleaning Adder up as he best he could, careful and slow and gentle, almost more just touching than anything else. ]
I love you more than anything, and seeing you hurt makes me want to tear the world down with my bare hands. But being with you is much more important to me. You are much more important to me. If there's something that can be done, anything, that means we can be together more, and without fears, then I want to help. But not against your will.
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Date: 2019-08-28 04:28 am (UTC)That's really - means a lot to me. [ adder managed, his eyes falling shut again. he clung onto hyunki but eventually he lost the battle against not sleeping and drifted off.
it took hours before he stirred again, in fact, 48 hours to be exact. when his eyes blinked open again, he moaned faintly. not wanting to move yet because everything still ached and he just wanted to continue sleeping. things were so peaceful there, safe and warm. but the chill penetrated him again and he sat up slowly. the pain had lessened considerably and he knew he hyunki managed almost the impossible there. ]
I'm mortal right now. [ adder announced as he wrapped his arms around his legs. ] That was one of the bargains. One of the ways to - [ he shook his head. ]
Never been mortal before. Can't say I enjoy it.
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Date: 2019-08-28 10:22 am (UTC)Usually, he would be fine, by now. He wouldn't need so much time to recuperate. But they weren't under normal circumstances. For days and nights, Hyunki curled up by Adder's side, a hand on his chest just to feel the steady rise and fall, his own heart feeling torn apart as worries and fears ate at him. He didn't sleep, instead found himself reading his latest book out loud, in case Adder could hear him, would find it soothing in his dreams.
He was just taking a little break for himself when Adder woke up. He'd been splashing water over his face after brushing his teeth when he heard the bed creak, and Hyunki jumped out of the bathroom to see Adder sitting up. He rushed over, hands reaching out. ]
Don't - overexert yourself.
[ Adder was human. That explains - well, that explained so much. Hyunki sat down, swallowed hard. To think Adder this fragile was. Well, it was impossible, truly. ]
Is it - permanent?
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Date: 2019-09-15 12:50 am (UTC)normally, the words wouldn't mean anything because human imitations meant nothing to him. but the titans changed things and he wondered how to fix what they stole. if only his sisters listened to him earlier about the titans and the measures they would take against all of them. to belittle someone invited them to show another side; to prove the falsehood of the words in question.
letting out a slow breath, he reached out a hand for hyunki, wanting to soothe the worry somehow. a physical connection might help even the tiniest bit. ]
It's not permanent. It cannot be. [ how could they change his very nature in a deeper way? they only dealt in parlor tricks and he just needed to find a way to undo it. likely, they buried his true nature or they ripped it out somehow. either option allowed for him to restore himself. ]
I just have to figure out how they did it and the way to undo what they did. The only good thing is my siblings will be facing similar. [ actually, he didn't know but he knew hyunki would worry about it. his siblings were always trying to kill him, though, so he understood the concern. ]
Looks like you're the stronger one between us now. Got to turn you on a little, Hyunkie. [ a nice subject change and mood shift there. ]
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Date: 2019-09-17 10:52 am (UTC)Do you know what to do to reverse it?
[ Of course, he couldn't do it now, not until he was better, and that'd take a while for a human body. But he might still have an idea of what could be done to repair the damage, to make him the person he was supposed to be. Not that Hyunki loved him any less, and maybe - maybe he should say that.
With a tiny sigh, Hyunki laid a hand over Adder's chest, looking down at him. ]
If it is permanent, I just want you to know - it doesn't change anything. My feelings are the same, and they will stay the same.
[ Of course, it changed things. A human body would age and decay at the expected rhythm, not the one they were supposed to have. But Hyunki didn't want to worry about that, not now.
He knew Adder was joking to try and luighten the mood, but the words still made him frown for a moment. He didn't want to be the stronger, or more powerful one. He just wanted Adder, his Adder, to be fully who he was and wanted to be. Nothing else mattered.
But if Adder wanted to stop feeling so glum, then Hyunki would do his best to help. So he smiled, his hand moving up in a caress. ]
Like I need you to be human to boss you around. I've got you wrapped around my little finger anyway.
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Date: 2020-01-02 01:10 am (UTC)looking up, he took in hyunki, every inch of him because he never thought for a while there he would see him again. at least, not in actuality. memories were always with him and no one would ever take them from him. ]
I'll work something out. [ easy words but they did little to ease the pain or the panic rushing through in equal measures. the former lesser because of hyunki's help. how much luck could one being have? ]
You do have a way about you. I cannot often deny it. [ hyunki never gave him reason to. ]
I cannot stay human. It would change too much. [ a flicker happened inside of him, though, of a growing burst of something. to exist without so much pressure and constant agony? to no longer be what held the universe together? he could have never dared to imagine it before but now the possibility grew within him. ]
I am feeling less terrible. Am I taking you away from anything important you need to attend to?
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Date: 2020-01-03 08:53 am (UTC)Without it, Hyunki felt a little hollowed out. He knew, over time, that his love would plug the holes, but at this moment, it felt a little strange. When Adder moved a little, Hyunki leaned in, kissing his temple, eyes closing as he pressed thoughts and feelings into the gesture. He listened to Adder, thought over an answer, still holding him close and refusing to let go. ]
Would it be so bad? To be human?
[ Things would be different, yes. Things would change. For Hyunki, too. But he could imagine that being free of the work and the responsibilities Adder had would not necessarily be a bad thing. ] I'd love you the same, human or God.
[ It felt important to say. At the question, Hyunki looked at Adder, frowning and shaking his head. ]
There is nothing more important than you. You're not taking me away from anything, stop worrying about me.